Science Supports the Need for Casual Sex Flirting

Casual sex movies make it all seem so easy. Two people meet up at a bar, share a quick drink, and then are seen passionately bouncing off hallway walls as they try to get each other’s clothes off. But is it really all so simple? And if it is, then why aren’t all bar room hallways bursting at the seams with horny hookups? The answer is…they’re not and the science behind attraction and a woman’s desire for casual sex gives a little insight into why.

In several studies, the original one conducted in 1989 and a follow-up one conducted more recently, both men and women were asked if they would have casual sex with a platonic friend – a friends with benefits arrangement – or if they would have casual sex with a complete stranger. In both studies it showed that men were more likely to agree to a quickie than their female counterpart. So if you are a man and want to get a more favorable response to the question, “Will you go to bed with me?” there are few basic things that you need to understand about the women who are most likely to say yes.

Whether you meet a potential partner through an adult online dating site, through a friend, or in a pub, the basics of getting that person to agree to a one night stand or no strings attached relationship include a little flirting. Yes, even with casual sex you need a little flirting.

Science has suggested two theories explaining what women look for. The first theory reaches back to our caveman roots and the evolutionary reasons for having sex – survival of the species. In this explanation the woman needs to be choosy about their hook up mate since they expect them to stick around to help change diapers and buy formula. They want a man they can depend on.

The second theory is one that we can better get our minds around when talking about casual sex and that is the Pleasure Theory. We are all hardwired to pursue pleasure. This is the type of wiring that you guys need to stand up and take notice of. Yes, woman will be more likely to say yes to a casual relationship when they perceive that they are going to get a little pleasure from it…or more likely, a lot of pleasure. Women want to orgasm and they will be more willing to give it a shot with a guy (or girl) that is likely to provide it.

So let’s put the two theories together and create a better mousetrap. Guys, if you want casual sex then you need to convince a woman that they can depend on you to give them an orgasm!

How is this done? Well, to discover that you may just want to follow me and get some advice on some good old fashioned flirting and seduction. That is something that never goes out of style no matter if it’s casual sex or true love sex that you are after.

Watching Adult Sex Videos Together – Movies Make Magic

Although they still have a stigma for many people, watching adult sex videos with your spouse can be a really great way to improve your marriage sex. Available in as many different varieties as there are types of people in the world, you can watch everything from very basic, “soft porn” as it is called to more graphic and experimental types of adult films. Sensual and erotic imagery is both visually and mentally arousing and may even plant an idea or two in your minds for what you would like to try with one another. Rather than being something that only single men watch in the dark, by themselves, while they masturbate, adult films are actually a really effective type of foreplay for many married couples.

Many couples may secretly want to watch an adult film together, but are hesitant because they are afraid to suggest it to their mate. For some women, there is a fear that their husband will find the women on film more attractive than they find them. For some men, there is concern that their wives may be turned off or find fault with their arousal. The reality is that watching adult films together can be a real bonding experience. It may take several tries to find a particular genre of adult film that works for you both, but in most cases, just the simple act of being “naughty” and watching other people getting physical is enough to start something fun for the married couple watching.

If you and your spouse have decided to watch an adult sex video together, then you should discuss what kinds of films are “OK” and which ones are “off limits”. For instance, your spouse may be uncomfortable watching a film that depicts more than one partner at a time. The object of watching an adult sex video together is to get one another turned on, not turned off, so be sensitive to one another’s preferences. One of the benefits of watching a sex video together is that you may get ideas for positions to try out. Also, having the noise in the background may also help lower your spouse’s inhibitions when it comes to expressing their pleasure vocally.

If you are looking for an easy way to improve your marriage sex life, watching adult sex videos together is a great way to start. Sit back, relax, pop in a video and let nature take its course. You may find that you are having the hottest sex of your marriage, in no time flat!

Vintage Adult Comics

As how they are obviously referred to, vintage adult comics are a reflection of ancient era or golden times. These are comics released in the 13th and 14th century and these days, they are difficult to get hold of. Other collectors aren’t just limiting themselves to the 1940-50′s collections, though. They follow until the 1970 releases of these comics.

Hundreds of comics were circulated in the golden age of magazines and literature. These materials were published using old kinds of papers. Vintage, as we hear of it, sounds valuable and rare. And yes, it definitely is rare to find some collections of books, magazines, comics or anything done five to seven decades ago.

The young adolescent and adult groups have let loose their inhibitions of browsing over these vintage adult comics that flaunt boldness, sexiness, sophistication and seventh heaven. The erotic side of life is presented in its creatively enticing manner through sexy pictures of women and passionate scenarios of couples in love and lust. There is no denying that men are continuous followers of these kinds of readable stuff. Sensual women are even getting open-minded to explore the so-called hobby but rarely do they declare such actuation.

As vintage comics like Batman, Flash Gordon, Superman, Green Lantern and Spiderman gained popularity back then, the emergence of vintage adult comics followed through their successes. Instead of heroic and funny themes, love and passion are usual concepts of the adult category of magazines and comics, that’s why they are for adults only. Thought not many people recognize it, comics are a serious business, too, just like movies, bars, Internet porn, among others.

Since the 1970′s, the worth of vintage adult comics has consistently multiplied due to their huge demand from investors and collectors. If you collect any of these vintage stuffs, you are likely to earn a good bit of dollars as they are usually appraised as valuable. It seems like a standard notion that if you own something vintage, you can benefit largely.

The approach employed in vintage adult comics is dependent on culture and lifestyle of a certain country it is being released. There are those that are too erotic that may not be appreciated by some. Basically, they’re identified to be of European, Japanese and American themes.

Vintage adult comics are usually of erotic conceptions and graphics, sometimes identified as artistic outputs of pornography. The sexuality of both men and women in the same setting is depicted as real as it can be to educate and stimulate the senses of the readers. Sensuality in a human being is but normal as long as it is done within grounds of matrimony. However, the world has accepted reality that bites, thus there isn’t any critical judgment aimed to those enjoying the art of making love out of marriage.

Bondara – The Best Online Store For Your Sex Toy Purchases

When speaking of sex toys and aids, there might be a good shop near you. However, when it comes to the huge selection and efficiency of the products, there is only one best name. That is one of UK’s most successful online sotres, which is Bondara..

As we know, different ages and sexes have different needs when it comes to sex toys. The good news is that Bondara knows well about this. This is the reason why the range of their products are awesome from vibrators, dildos, male and women sex toys, sexy lingerie, bondage gears, anal toys to sex gears. Actually, the collection of products in this local store has come out to be over a million already.

Why Go For Bondara

Besides the convenience in shopping that Bondara provides, there are a lot of other great benefits that this shop offers. Just like other online stores, you can take advantage of great discounts and price slash offs from the items that you want simply by using a Bondara offer code, Bondara discount codes or the promotional code that you can get from money-off vouchers for Bondara. Here, check out these great offers Bondara has in store for you:

Delivery. One of the best reasons as to why you need to stay with Bondara is their way of delivery. For one, they have low shipping rates and can even offer free delivery service if you order reach up to 39.99 Euros. What’s more, this online shop is very discreet about the client’s privacy. The package you will receive will not contain any logo of Sex products. Indeed, talking about affordability and privacy, Bondara has it both to offer you. Much more, they have a same day shipping policy.

Reputation. This online shop is indeed a trusted online company that undergoes monitoring from SafeBuy. With this, you can have peace of mind when doing your shopping here.

Billing. The good news about this shop is that even in your bills, they still think about your privacy. Actually, you will see the name Nagook Ltd reflecting on your credit card or bank account statement rather than Bondara.

With all these, you can leave your doubts about trusting Bondara for your purchase of sex toys and aids. Indeed, if you try to shop here, there are a lot more great things you can discover from this shop.

Where To Get Discounts

What is amazing about Bondara is that they offer cheap sex toys for different needs. The website has a section dedicated to the cheapest of all their products in the market. Imagine, their bestsellers such as the Ultimate Jessica Rabbit Waver, MasterB Vibro-Cate Harrington, and Purple Pearl Rabbit Vibrator can all be purchased in less than 40 Euros.

Moreover, at a regular basis, there are Bondara offer code, money off vouchers for Bondara, Bondara UK discount code that you can make the best use of. To get any kind of Bondara offer code, what you only need to do is become a member of the company. Then, you can receive great discounts to all of your future purchases in the site. If you provide your email, you can always receive the shop’s newsletter containing special Bondara UK discount codes. You can also get these Bondara offer code, money off vouchers for Bondara, Bondara UK discount code by searching them in the Internet.

Indeed, what else can you be looking for in a sex toy shop? With the wide selections, convenience, affordability, and privacy they promise, everything you need is already in here.

Online Dating – The 5 Biggest Mistakes People Are Making And Striking Out

Gentlemen, STOP your engines! Take a deep breath and think about it for a second! What was the first thing you learned back in high school. You know, when girls first started looking good to you. When they stopped being ICCKKY! Play it cool. Don’t seem desperate, and in a way make her wonder: Is he interested in me? Which brings us to our number 1 mistake.

1- Whatever you do, don’t come off desperate. 9 out of the 10 emails I get have these dreaded phrases in them “Please” “I’d give anything to….” “Oh my god I can’t believe” “What will it take” Any guy that seems desperate makes a gal wonder. “Hmm.. Why is this lad having such a hard time meeting women? The famous ” I wonder what’s wrong with him” There must be something wrong with him. Oh well, on to the next guy. DON’T COME OFF DESPERATE!! It’s a huge turn off!

Have you ever tried walking up to a girl in a bar, club or even on the street and pulled your pants down? Of course not. You wouldn’t be reading this. You’d be in prison doing 2-4 for indecent exposure. You know what I’m getting at! Some of you have tried this tactic and no matter how big and beautiful it may be, you struck out! Didn’t you!? The famous number 2..

2- Don’t show ‘em your dingaling prematurely. I once posted an ad in the casual encounters section of Craigslist. The things I saw!! The horror! For example “Hi beautiful, if you like what you see, email me.” “Bet you haven’t seen one this big ever in your life” or the famous “Look how excited your picture made me” Now don’t get me wrong, it’s exactly what I was searching for posting in that section. But you see, women are looking for men. We’re interested in meeting YOU not it. If all we wanted was a weewee, we’d buy one at our local adult erotic shop and avoid the headaches. It’s an encounter with someone new we’re looking for. The excitement of the unknown. Make us want it. Don’t just hand it to us on a platter. We want to work for it a little. And don’t forget the obvious fact that with everything we’ve heard on the news, the stories of women getting raped and killed, we’re a little afraid to meet the men that come off as sexual predators. So please, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL INSTRUCTED TO DO OTHERWISE!

So you’ve signed up on a random date site. You’ve put in your alias, your gender, and what you’re looking for. And now you avoid filling in the rest. Thinking that your alias “looking4mate72″ says it all and you don’t need to write anything else about yourself. Right? Did it work? No, it didn’t. Of course not. Don’t overlook number 3.

3- Tell us how interesting you are. If there’s nothing interesting about you, how can you get our interest? Make sense? Out of the 400 words you can enter in the field you chose to write “Hello, I’m looking for sex” well good for you, so is everyone else on here but at least they’re making an effort to attract the women. If you can’t think of anything interesting about yourself, chances are we won’t find anything either. These are the guys that go around saying “You know these dating sites are full of it. There’s no women, it’s all a scam. Dating sites are filled with real women dying to meet interesting dudes. There just don’t seem to be enough of them. Be interesting, and if you’re not, make something up! Make some sort of effort. With today’s technology we’ve been spoiled a little. But when it comes to meeting women, you have to spend a little time and energy. That’s the beauty. But if you can’t grasp this, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be able to download some beautiful woman on some torrent site in no time. We’re almost there. In the meantime…! keep…. you know.

Uploading your mug shot will probably not get too much attention from the sane women. You know the ones I’m talking about. No smile. The guy is starring into his webcam. You’re not sure if you’re still at the dating site or you accidentally clicked into the FBI’s most wanted list. A picture says a thousand words, make them good words.. number 4.

4- When it’s time to upload your pictures, don’t just turn on your cam and snap away. These have to be the dullest pictures I see. (I’d rather see their johnson, #2). Upload some real photos. A picture of you with your dog, you with friends, you at the beach. Something interesting! Somewhere you’ve been, something you’ve done. You, staring into your webcam, is not interesting at all. No one is going to sit there and go through 34 pictures you just took with your webcam in the dark. Creepy! You need to show us a side of you that’s going to grab our attention! Attraction is what it’s all about. NO MORE WEBCAM SHOTS!

Last but not least.. You’re going to hate this one I promise. But it’s as important or more important than the first 4… Pick a site you like, and become a member.

5- If you’re not willing to pay a few bucks a month to be a member, chances are I’m picking up the bill at the restaurant, bar, club, hotel or motel. The truth is, women rarely browse profiles of the free members that logged in once or twice. We like a little stability. We want to meet someone who’s been verified by the site. Avoids us a lot of trouble. What you’re telling women is; You’re not cheap, You’re a verified user, It’s safe to come in contact with you, you’re serious about meeting someone and again YOU’RE NOT CHEAP! If you can’t afford the membership, how are you going to meet up with me? Where will we be going? You can continue posting on those free classifieds “Anyone want me to pick her up with my car and go at it?” all you want, but you’ll be spending lots of lonely nights. And if it does work, I don’t want to see the gal that responds to that ad.

In conclusion, meeting women online is not that different from meeting women offline. Always remember that these are the same women you see in your everyday life. The difference is, it’s a lot easier to break the ice. So, why are you not succeeding at making that encounter? Is it because there are no women online? Of course not. There are as many women online as there are men. Avoiding these 5 deadly mistakes will increase your chances dramatically. Take advantage of the fact that most men are making these mistakes. There are plenty of fish in the E-SEA. Just remember to use the right bait. I’m currently on 3 dating sites myself. There are lots of single girls still looking for someone interesting to hook up with. I’m one of them. So please, if you come across me, don’t whip it out in my face, unless I ask you to!

Richard Dawkins’ Theory of Sexual Evolution

Richard Dawkins is an internationally acclaimed scientist whose work in the field of genetic evolution changed the way we think. His brilliant first book The Selfish Gene has forever changed popular notions of evolution and compelled us to look at it with another view – a gene’s eye view. So, what does getting girls have to do with Richard Dawkins? Well, everything, if you consider the workings of the female mind – why she wants a high status male and ruthlessly rejects a male demonstrating low status, and also why she insists on a long courtship before having sex with a guy.

A brief look at the sexual evolution of the female mind -

The female member of every species has been genetically programmed to choose as her mating partner, a male that is the healthiest and strongest of the lot available to her. By doing this, she is following the most basic rule of sexual evolution- she is ensuring the survival of her genes. If the father of her children is the strongest and healthiest male around, it naturally follows that he will have the first pick of the food and shelter available. Thus he can best ensure the safety and security of the children through his resources and strength. If the children survive, it means that through their survival, the female has a greater likelihood of her genes successfully surviving and reproducing.

This ordain is true for the animal kingdom but it was truer in the case of human beings living in the caveman era because they had to survive in an environment fraught with highly dangerous elements like wild animals, disease and vagaries of unfavorable weather. It made perfect sense for a female to copulate and produce babies with the male best-equipped to guarantee their safety- a mentally and physically strong male.

Although all those dangers are no longer applicable to the life of the modern human being, sexual and genetic evolution has deemed it necessary for the female brain to continue evaluating a potential sexual partner in terms of the resources or ‘survival value’ he can provide. Thus, if a woman wants a rich and sexy guy as a sexual partner, it’s not because she is plain materialistic. It’s just her genes making her do so.

Richard Dawkins, in his book The Selfish Gene, has also categorically explained why a female insists on a long courtship period and, relative to men, doesn’t tend jump into bed with the male on the first date itself. This phenomenon is also decreed by her ‘selfish’ genes. According to Dawkins, to ensure the survival of their genes, every individual wants as many surviving offspring as possible, regardless of that individual being male or female. A male can impregnate as many females as he wants courtesy the limitless supply of sperm he has. Other than his sperm, he is not obliged to invest much of his resources in any children that he has with those females.

A female on the other hand, can have a child only once in a year and has to invest a lot of her resources in taking care of that baby, as in carrying it in her womb for 9 months, breastfeeding it for a year after birth and then caring for it for some time. It makes sense for the female to engage the male in the caretaking so that she too is free to have more offspring. A long courtship process helps her to screen and to weed out the males that are more likely to make her pregnant and then split for greener pastures. A male that will stick it out for the long courtship proves his fidelity and perseverance by doing so. That’s why a female will often have sex with a male only after a long courtship.

Another phenomenon, seemingly contradictory of the above, is the distinction between ‘lover’ and ‘provider’. At certain points in their monthly cycle, women are more attracted to raw, unadulterated masculinity, at the same time as their ‘biological clock’ is most likely to conceive. The lover/provider theory states that, ideally, if a woman’s selfish genes cannot get a high status male to stick around, she might simply have sex with him, at the same time as being pairbonded to another male, who will think the baby is his! This poor sucker is known as the ‘provider’, and it makes sense, if you think about it: High status (high survival value) genes, not just those of high reproductive value (e.g. looks) will be passed on to the next generation, thus benefitting the woman’s genes. If the lover (the more attractive, masculine man) is unwilling to commit, the woman can only have the best she can get take care of her kid. This, in the real world, is what happens, far more often than one would think: around 10% of newborns have fathers other than the guy on his/her birth certificate!

Richard Dawkins has thus unlocked the key to the female sexual genetic code and provided very useful explanations for the idiosyncrasies that females are prone to and that have guys tearing out their hair in frustration. His book The Selfish Gene is a must read for all those people that want to understand the crux of human relationships, selfishness and altruism in general, as well as guys who just want to get girls! Indeed, it is one of the first books on the reading list of the budding PUA.

Erotic Adult Lingerie For Women

Often women are so immersed in their outward appearance that they start neglecting what is within. This is the case with many of us women, who are interested in beautifying themselves from the very core, always pay special attention to their choice of under garments. Adult lingerie always had a great role to play in women’s lives.

Adult lingerie comes in a wide variety of sizes and shape. So whether you are a skinny sexy lass or a plus size with alluring curves you can easily choose your adult lingerie from this wide range of sizes. They also offer you to choose from a variety of designs and cuts.

Whereas some stick to your body like a wet swim suit, some may drape around your curves smoothly like a piece of cloth. Some of them are designed especially for special dresses to be worn by you in different occasions. For example you should wear a strapless bra with an off shoulder dress and similarly. Women of today know very well how important it is to match the under wear with your dress.

It is not just the color but also the design and cut of the dress that determine the kind of under wear that should be worn with it in order to look hot and sexy. The wrong underwear can ruin your effort of dressing up completely! So make sure you pick the right adult lingerie when you wear something out of the ordinary.

However, then you wear adult lingerie, you should be able to carry it out with perfect ease and confidence. If you are shy and uncomfortable wearing it, the lingerie alone can not make you the hot babe. But if you have the figure and are proud of it, wearing adult lingerie will only enhance the eroticism within you and nothing in this world can stop your partner from getting excited.

In fact, adult lingerie is one of the most effective tools to arouse excitement in your partner if things have just got stagnated for sometime. Kinky underwear and sexy bras can make him drool and bring back the passion that he had when he met you for the first time.

They can easily spice up your life in a unique way! So if you are one of those people, who still wear the old fashioned, ordinary, trashy undergarments all the time but are really eager to try out something new and exciting, then it is time for you to switch over to adult lingerie. They will not just change the way you look but also the ay you feel at present. They will rekindle the flame of eroticism in your life and help you to reinvent yourself in a very special way!

Sex Instructional Videos – Watch and Learn!

Although it’s evident that people nowadays are educated in the matter of sex, there are still those who need a little bit of help in that department. Whether you’re just starting out to become sexually active, or you’re in a relationship with a dwindling sex life, sex instructional videos may just be the thing you need. Sex can become quite a sensual and pleasurable activity, as long as you know exactly what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Let sex instructional videos teach you a thing or two, and who knows? You might just discover as whole new side to you.

Sex instructional videos are great as it can help you spice up your bedroom routine with your lover. With different tips and techniques that you can learn from these videos, you’ll be able to become a better sexual partner. These videos can also help you let go of your inhibitions and your partner’s as well and teach you to be more confident in your own skin, no matter what body type you have. And because it’s highly recommended that you watch sex instructional videos with your lover, it can also possibly help strengthen the relationship.

You may be thinking, what makes sex instructional vids any different from porn videos? Though both videos will show people having sexual intercourse, you’ll actually learn something from instructional videos as it usually includes a narrative or a step by step guide. Whereas sex instructional videos aim to give you a better understanding of your body and how you can work it during sex, porn on the other hand will just show people having sex. If you think that sex is just like what you’ve seen on porn movies, you’ll be surprised to know that there is more to it than just the act itself. There’s foreplay, there’s romance and there are techniques that can help you make the whole act a mind blowing experience.

If you’re interested to know how you can your hands on sex instructional videos, you have a few choices. Depending on where you live and how your culture perceives sex, you might find it really easy or a bit challenging to acquire these videos. If you have an adult bookstore or a sex shop in your community, you can start your search there. You can also check stores that sell movies and DVDs and look for the adult section.

You can also look for online sites that sell sex instructional vids if you want to shop in the comforts of your own home. Although you’ll find a wide selection of different titles and types online, do take your time in choosing a video for you. Make sure that you check the production company and the description thoroughly if you don’t want to end up with cheap porn that was packaged as an instructional video. Look up reviews on which titles would be best suited for you. Don’t forget to ask your lover’s opinion on which titles to get so that you can come to a mutual agreement on what type of instructional video would best benefit you both.

Can a Sex Instructional Video Help Improve Your Love Life?

Whether you’re young or old, rich or poor, sex is probably one of the most talked about, if not controversial, topics in the whole world. Everyone needs sex, not just for procreation, but for pleasure and strengthening of a relationship as well. You can’t talk about romantic love without including sex in the equation so if you’re currently in a relationship and you want to make your love story last, you should definitely start working on your sex life. But how do you start? Though you’ll find a lot of great ideas online on how you can spice up your love life, there is really only one way that can help you take your sex life up a notch. Want to know what a sex instructional video can do for your relationship? Then don’t hesitate to read on.

Assuming that you and your lover both have open minds towards this subject, a sex instructional video can do wonders for your relationship. But do bear in mind that this option isn’t for everyone. If you’ve just started dating, make sure to have an open discussion with your partner on how he or she feels about using this sort of videos. This way, you’ll be able to avoid causing offense or any awkward moments that may lead to future misunderstandings in the relationship.

Helps You Become A Better Lover

Sure a sex instructional video may not be a necessity in making a relationship work, but it can help you make it stronger. A sex instructional video can help you become a better lover as it can provide you with tips and techniques that will make every sexual encounter worthy to be remembered. From oral techniques to different sex positions, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself as the ultimate lover once you’re done watching the video.

Allows You To Open Your Line Of Communication

Another benefit that you can get from incorporating the sex instructional video into your bedroom routine is that you’ll get a much more open communication line between you and your partner. Just by watching the video together, you’ll feel much more comfortable expressing what you want sexually and your partner will be more open to tell you what he or she would like to try out. When used properly, a sex instructional video will be able to help you form a stronger bond emotionally and physically.

If you’re interested in purchasing sex instructional videos, there are a number of ways that you can easily get your hands on them. First off, check out what your local adult bookstores or sex shops have on offer. Although these shops usually have an extensive line up of different adult videos that you can choose from, make sure that you choose a sex instructional video and not just a porn flick. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of visiting these shops or you just don’t have the time, start your search online instead. The great thing about purchasing online is that you not only have access to a wide array of different titles, but you’ll also get to shop anonymously.

Men and Sexual Fanatsy

There is no use in denying: If you are a man, you fantasize during sex. Not about the woman you are with or the situation you are in, but probably about another (imaginary or not) woman or another (the next or the ideal) situation.

No, you won’t be the first to dream about Pamela Anderson while having sex with your wife or girlfriend. Neither will you be the first to actually want entirely different things than what you are doing. And there is nothing wrong with that. Guess what, most women do exactly the same.

Then why is it that even men who are in a happy relationship will still look at the women around them? Why do you – as a man – still feel sexually attracted to other women as well?

You are a seed factory

One answer to the above questions comes from genetic factors. You are programmed to spread your seed – not only as often as you can, but also in as many women as you can. This is socially unacceptable, of course, but genes do not care about conventions. Genes care about one thing only: to mix themselves with as many other genes as possible so the species will move on and actually grow by combining strong genes with other strong genes.

Remote Innuit (Eskimo) tribes sometimes STILL will invite visitors to their villages to mate with their daughters or even wives. The idea behind this is that their communities are very small and the risk of inbreeding is high. While this may seem to be a rather animalistic approach to the problem of inbreeding, if you (or your set of genes) have no other option, that is what you will do.

The concept of men as more sexually driven than women was raised as a scientific issue by the sociobiologists, who strove to explain human behavior on the basis of genetic influences reaching far back down the evolutionary tree. As a generality, the dominant male(s) in a society will have to win the right to impregnate – and they do this by fighting, by competition, by wooing the females with displays of their strength and size. Of course, much of this behavior does exist in the animal kingdom, although it is certainly not an exclusive pattern of male behavior – many animal species mate for life, and many of those that do not will form exclusive partnerships for the breeding season. Even some of the notoriously sexy primates will form long lasting pair bonds. Back to Innuit, if there is little or no risk for inbreeding and if there is no lack of healthy, strong genes, the evolutionary need to “spread seed” reduces and the mono-amorous (one male, one female) relationship prevails, because it has a lot of other benefits as well.

Humans are not animals (anymore) in the sense that they – as a species – have developed things none of the other species of this planet have: brainpower, for example, and the ability to read and write. Thus, our society is much more complex than any other society on the planet and it is based on conventions (rules, regulation and legislation) and not on reflex behavior and instincts. But that doesn’t mean our prime-instincts have all gone.

It takes evolution thousands and thousands of years to adapt any species to the situation it is in (in that sense evolutionary development is usually way behind the actual situation!). As a result, while every species adapts (or mutates, if you like), “old stuff” is not thrown away very quickly. Apparently, that is especially true for the reproduction process.

As opposed to the vast majority of other species humans do not have a specific “mating season”. In biological terms: there is always a large quantity of fertile females available every day (as opposed to, for example, all females are fertile in the month of May only). So the human male is biologically programmed and designed to be ready for mating every day, all day. And that – albeit redundant – ability is still there, including the “need”. Again, genes do not care about conventions.

Your sexual behavior is a choice

At the same time humans feel that it is almost an insult to our human condition to be seduced by arguments that sexual behavior is governed by our genes. We are, after all, supposedly the most evolved species on the planet. How distasteful, then, that our genes might be responsible for our behavior. Do we not have the ability to overcome our genetic inheritance and behave in a human way?

The answer is that we have the choice of doing so, but that we may sometimes be driven in a way that comes from deep within our genetic programming that we cannot fully see. Studies show that gay men, once out of the closet and freed from the social or emotional restrictions of society or their female partners, will seek out sex, enjoy it, and basically have as much of it as they can, even though the cost is an emotional one – emptiness, guilt maybe, lack of intimacy, and so on. And since they are free from the social (and economical) risk of making their partner pregnant and reproduce, a strong other impulse (responsibility for potential offspring) is also gone.

Through another angle, it rapidly becomes apparent that our sexual “behavior” is largely the result of conventions that have little or nothing to do with our sexual needs or even our personality. The concept of a “family” (one man, one woman for life) historically speaking is a relatively new concept. Before that, the concept of “communities” ruled (and in many tribes still does) for thousands of years. The village, the tribe, the group was what was originally – and for a long time – important. That entity collectively took of care of tasks such as raising kids, caring for the elderly, education, hunting for and collecting food and even sexual needs and (sexual) education (some tribes and cultures still will).

The “family” as we know it is largely an invention of those, wanting to control society. Religions and governments mainly. With the need for improved administration the need of a structured society came about. Identity (and something to prove it) became important, so things like birth-certificates were invented, which eventually formed the basis for other things, such as marriage certificates, drivers lincenses and tax forms.

With that – unfortunately through a complex and widespread system of false arguments – the concept of the everlasting one man / one woman family was introduced. Suddenly it became a “sin” to mate with more than one woman. Sex before marriage became a “sin”. Why? Because religion or the governmenet (usually one and the same) needed the administrative entity called “the family” and since everyone knows sex is a huge (if not the main) incentive to get things done, sex was suddenly presented as a reward for good behavior (marry first and THEN have sex – you have fulfilled your administrative obligation, now you can have the sex you want). Simultaniously, of course, a system of social and other penalties was introduced.

And one of the things men still struggle with is the fact that since men were at the top of both governments and religions the system was invented, men are much more likely to abide by it – since it was a male invention.

You are a powerful copy machine

If it is social conditioning, how do we explain the fact that some aspects of male behavior happen so often? That, for example, men will have sex with anyone when they’re drunk? Or, as women might have it, that men can’t be trusted? That they care more about beauty than brains? That they will abandon their wives of twenty years when success strikes in middle-age and then set up with some much younger bimbo? Does it mean that women are attracted by power and success – evidence of dominance, perhaps, in our material society? Does it mean that the more attractive women have a sexual advantage because they will attract the stronger, richer, more powerful males – who can, of course, afford to buy their company?

One answer, according to the sociobiologists, lies in the fact than men can have many more offspring than women – they can plough the furrow and spread the seed, with little care for what happens afterwards. Thus the men who were sexually promiscuous way back in our evolutionary history would be the ones who were evolutionarily successful – in other words, they would have more children and the behavior would spread.

But of course females might want the opposite – faithfulness, and evidence of commitment to child-rearing: thus they would tend to test the patience of males who offered themselves as potential mates, to see how prepared they were to stick around.

Another answer lies in the fact that somewhere along the line we became two-legged. Humans are one of the few species that have sex “from the wrong end”. That is the result of the fact that we are upright and on two legs, instead of on all fours (which technically makes mating a lot easier). Our sex organs, however, (male as well as female) are still very much positioned for the four-legged position. The result – many scientists believe – is that “sex” for humans became something that requires “bargaining” (communication). In fact, one of the few species that has a somewhat similar “problem” are sharks. They too need to mate belly-to-belly.

This belly-to-belly position presents the male with a whole new set of problems to overcome. The four-legged mating position (doggy style, if you like) leaves the female in a position where she cannot defend herself against an invader (her legs and claws cannot protect her and her teeth are useless as well), while the male has all advantages and quite literally all his weapons (teeth, claws, legs and body weight) in an ideal position. Additionally, his penis is in the ideal position so he doesn’t need to guide it, rather, he can just plunge it in. The human male thus has an evolutionary “disadvantage” (the female can suddenly defend herself against invasion and is largely, as any martial art expert will tell you, in the advantage since she’s on her back and in the ideal defense position with all her weapons ready at hand). Sharks deal with this problem by forming male partnerships and simply raping the female (two males will hold her down while number three invades her). Humans (having the advantage of brainpower and communication) have developed the bargaining technique to deal with the “problem”.

And, in fact, there is evidence to support some of these ideas. For example, there are now, and have always been, many polygamous human societies – those where the dominant males especially have been allowed to have several wives. This fulfills exactly some presumed biologic pattern, but the dominant male has to be able to keep his power and provide for the children. Similarly, psychologists report that men fret about their wives having sex with other men (you know, the scenario where a man ends up looking after some other man’s child – a sneaky fucker’s child, to use a graphic term from the field of sociobiology, while he supports his wife in the belief that it’s his child; great from a human point of view, but very, very bad from the point of view of the man’s genetic investment in the next generation), while women, so we are told, fret about their men being emotionally attached to someone else.

Even more bizzarre, it has been proposed that the classic male double standard – bed a whore and marry a virgin – is underpinned by this biological urge to ensure that as a man, one brings up one’s own genetic offspring while bedding a sexual woman is a way of spreading the seed that will not result in long term commitments. (Of course, with contraception it probably won’t result in offspring either, but that isn’t the point: it is the imperative behind the behavior that is either genetically determined or not).

There are scientific studies that bear this out. David Buss, a psychologist and author of the “Evolution of Desire” has surveyed many people in over 30 countries. He found that men wanted sex and women wanted success. Another great source for this is “The Anatomy of Sex and Power” by Michael Hutchison, a scientific study that leads to controversial yet interesting conclusions, based on many sources from many scientific fields.

Bargaining, negotiation, communication and fantasies

Picture the evolutionary clock again. Recent human history (recent as in the last few thousand years) is only five minutes or less on a scale of 24 hours. In other words, in an evolutionary sense we are still very much developing and learning “new” concepts. That is why the “bargaining” (communication) system between the human male and female is (yet) far from perfect.

The human need for conventions has largely interfered with the negotiation concept. For a long list of reasons, the concept of free thinking has (and very much still is) hindered by a wide variety of labels and conventions, that – quite frankly – obstruct the concept of learning though free communication and free association (both are two basic human learning concepts). Simply because, when it comes to sexuality, a lot of ideas and fantasies have quickly been labeled “wrong”, “dirty” or “perverse” (anything from gay sex, to polygamous situations to non-mainstream or kinky sex has – at some point – been given a negative label, most of which are still very much in place). Again probably as a result of evolution, men are not very good at this sexual bargaining process. Scientists tend to believe that the reason for this is because they never had to bargain. Males fight off other males to gain access to females – they do not bargain with females. Females, on the other hand – the biological “prey” of the strong, dominant males – have learned to bargain from day one.

So here you are: still not very well equipped when it comes to communication and forced to try and overcome lots of labels, guilt feelings, your overly developed sense of responsibility and deal with conventions. That conflict with your genetic programming. Now what?

Men are not good at talking about emotions and feelings

Actually: YOU ARE DAMNED GOOD WHEN IT COMES TO COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS! You can show your buddies what you feel, right? You don’t need to tell them. You can be enthusiastic, you can be a buddy, a partner, a colleague, a teamplayer. Oh yes – the human male is very, very good at communicating feelings. Fact of the matter is that men and women communicate in different ways!

When it comes to feelings, men (as opposed to women) do not talk and aren’t subtle. They largely communicate through body language and power signals. They hug, they bang shoulders, they have handshakes, they dress, walk and move in specific ways, they look at each other and when it comes to sex they have a very powerful chemical weapon: pheromones! The sex-smell that attracts females and pushes away other males (and makes it obvious to other males what you want). Women have pheromones too, but due to the use of perfumes as well as “social weapons”, such as make up and hairdo they have very little impact and in fact women largely use the end-products of the cosmetic industry for their non-verbal communication (including their competition with other women). In other words, men largely communicate physically and in many ways their non-verbal communication is theirs and doesn’t come out of a bottle (as it frequently and literally does for women). Besides, they expect to be understood (which is true, but only by other males).

You don’t bring me flowers anymore

When it comes to men/women sexual communication it is first of all important to understand that both sexes are on different levels. A woman (generally speaking) emphasizes shelter, comfort and intimacy and wants confirmation of that – frequently! The man, however, feels he has won his most important battle at the start of the relationship (or actually even before that): he got her and has outsmarted other males (imaginary or real) in doing so.

Plus, he has a problem: it is very likely that whenever he talks about his fantasies (other women, more women, ideal women, you name it), his partner will very likely see that as competition AND as a personal defeat! In simple terms: every time you tell her you think Pamela Anderson is beautiful she’ll think she’s too old, her breasts are too small, her hair isn’t blond or her legs aren’t long enough. While that is not what you mean, that is what she feels. Bang! Dead end! And you end up reassuring her that you still think she’s the most beautiful creature on the planet. And you do that while all you wanted was (to talk about) good sex. While she tells you that she is good enough to have your children, do your laundry and cook your dinner while you go out looking at other women.

Yes, that is a (if not THE) major problem and there simply is no “five easy steps” system to deal with that. But what does help is to be honest and open about it. Communication is a learning game: the communication process itself as well as the subjects you communicate about.

Commerce and social conventions have brought about a very crummy system of communication between the sexes: communication through gifts. If you love her, buy her flowers (or diamonds, or chocolate – depending on the commercial and your budget) is the message that commerce especially is grinding in all the time. Well, guess what, it’s nice to buy each other gifts every now and then, but it is lousy communication. Ten to one, whenever you bring a gift she’ll think you have something to hide (which is also the result of social programming). For effective sexual communication you need to do what you haven’t been taught: talk!

Are there easy tools? The answer is: unless we want to make the same mistake others did and come up with Venus and Mars theories, no there are not. But what we can do is give you hints. Such as:

1. Start to communicate about your fantasies early – in the early stages of the relationship. If you’re into leather: tell her (it’ll come up sooner or later anyway and it may cause bigger problems if you bring it later).

2. Don’t be afraid of your fantasies. Yes, they may bring up difficulties, such as the one sketched above, but trying to dodge these by not talking about them isn’t going to help.

3. Don’t be guided by social stygma, conventions and fears. You do not have to do everything you think about (apart from the fact that fantasies are often impossible to bring to life, Pamela Anderson can only handle so much men) but it is important to bring them up, out in the open.

4. Ask about HER fantasies (many women will tell you they do not fantasize, that’s usually not true, the difference, however, is in the fact that female fantasies are usually less specific and more about “situations” and “emotions”, in other words more abstract).

5. Don’t think your fantasies will chase her away. Sexuality to many women may sometimes be less important than it is to you – in any case other aspects of the relationship to her may be just as important as sex. Besides, women are open to a lot more than you might think and quite often you’ll find that her fantasies are actually a lot rougher and tougher than yours.

6. And there is another thing – while you (man) are probably uncertain about some fantasies, have seconds thoughts about it and want things like “carefully trying them out”, women are a lot more direct when it comes to accepting what they are and want and they are a LOT quicker in accepting that.

7. Educate yourself about your sexuality, her sexuality and about any fantasies, ideas or non-mainstream feelings and fantasies you have. Come prepared! (that is what she does – women tend to inform themselves through reading and research).

8. Probably your biggest and most important source for information is: YOUR PARTNER (i.e. not your friends and buddies, not Playboy, not porn-magazines – although there is nothing wrong with some fun and exitement).

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